We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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