I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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