in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
