i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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