There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
