Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
