you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
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