So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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