The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
