You were right. It hurts to walk today.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
