Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
