From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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