I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So many bounce houses so little time
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just high enough for therapy.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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