I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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