I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
