I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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