Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
