keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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