in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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