I just cut my nipple shaving
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
