I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
