had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
BRING THE BAGELS
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
