I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
