dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
