We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
