You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
