i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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