You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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