At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
