i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
