I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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