Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You pole danced in your parka.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
