if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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