he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
