She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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