we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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