have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
