I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
