I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
