But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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