Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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