You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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