She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
