dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
