i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I party with great urgency now.
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