Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
