She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
