i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
