well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
