ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
