I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
