Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
